Dear College Freshman,
As you bounce off to college in your sassy new outfits, ready to take on the world, I can't help but hate you a little bit. Okay, a lot. You have no idea the fun you are about to have and you are too young and dumb to fully appreciate it.
Sure you feel on top of that world and that's good, because you are. You are at the very beginning of the best 4 years (or more, if you're smart, as in you're smart to try to stay longer than 4 years) of your life. There's a few things you need to know though to capitalize on this time in your life.
Lose the sassy new outfit. College is about rolling out of bed at the last possible minute. This might mean heading to class in your sweatpants every now and then. And with the marvelous invention of yoga pants you can still look
Gain 15 pounds. Go ahead, everyone's doing it. Just make sure you drop it by Junior or Senior year cause after that it's going to be a bitch to get rid of. So make those 2 am taco bell runs, late night pizza deliveries and grease covered dining hall foods count. This is the last time in your life you can do it and not feel like a guilty cow.
Apply for those damn scholarships. No one else is doing it, which means free dollas for you. Yeah it's a pain in the arse but so is working everyday of your life just to pay for loans. Seriously, this girl right here is debt free of student loans because of those pretty little scholarships.
Nap like a baby. Hang those blankets over your bunk bed to make a nice dark cave and crawl in. Wake up when the sun goes down and get your fun on. Never again will you be able to nap daily and you will hate yourself if you don't take advantage while you can.
Your mom will miss you. She won't mind doing your laundry when you come home on occasion. She will want to buy your favorite snacks and make your favorite foods and do things to let you know that she misses you. Eat it up, it won't last forever, so enjoy it while you can because before you know it the laundry fairy will disappear, never to be heard from again.
Schedule like a champ. Plan your class schedule like it's your job, because basically it is. I have found the perfect recipe for success is to schedule your classes so you have Wednesday's and Friday's off. I'm a big believer in classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays with maybe a Monday night class thrown in. That basically gives you a four day weekend with a nice Wednesday break in between your two days of classes. You can thank me later for this infinite wisdom.
Well my Freshman Frenemies, I think that's enough brilliance for your small little minds today. Now go. Gorge yourself on salty french fries and soft serve in the d-hall and then head home to your bat cave for a nap. Life's about to get good!
p.s. I hate you.